vaseoc

Alright, here we go.

Picking out Flowers

Where do I even start? You would think that I would have learned something by now but every single mothers day I find myself in the same situation. I’ll spend what feels like hours walking around aimlessly trying to pick out something that will hopefully be considered as a passable “well, at least she tried” attempt. I have no idea if people have some kind of freaky flower instinct which I clearly do not have or if they are drawn towards a specific type or a certain scent but you can bet that when I enter into the grand finale stage of getting them wrapped and the florist and I have nothing else to talk about other than the bush that I had feebly chosen, I will make sure that she knows about the unreal, out-of-body experience that came over me and that this bundle of what I probably think are turnips had been chanting my name. You can also bet that this act will fall apart if she chimes in with the name of another flower or if she makes a comment about their scent and I am only able muster something along the lines of “yep, they sure are great” as if I were talking about a car jack or a portable Coleman stove.

Interior Decorating

I sincerely applaud anyone who is able to naturally transform a space into something beautiful and, without any ounce of sarcasm, I am in awe of someone who is able to select some type of jar and fill it with a bundle of bamboo and place it upon a nightstand and make it seem entirely effortless all while concluding that the room is now “complete”. Can I do that? Hell no. HGTV is my equivalent space channel and I’ll watch my mom spend DAYS fumbling over paint chips and colours while every shade of taupe looks identical to me. If it were up to me, I would have had that damn room painted in an hour and I wouldn’t even think twice about it. My mom will re-paint it three months later claiming that she “wasn’t sure about the colour.” HOW? While I’m at it, and I’m not even certain if this falls under the same category, but I am also impressively terrible at picking out things that match one another. This can be applied to almost anything that requires a third eye in design, but more narrowly: cutlery, dishes, bedsheets, pillows, anything bathroom related, clothing, and art. I could go on forever, but I think you get the idea.

Leaving Answering Machine Messages

Whenever I find myself in a situation where I have to leave a message, for some reason they always start with “Oh!! Hello there!” as if I was completely and delicately startled in an +*oops-you-caught-me-trying-to-call*+ or a “I’m totally not at a masquerade ball right now… :P” sort of way. From then onwards, it gets even worse and it tanks even lower and it’s like receiving a message from a cross between a parrot and a caveman and someone who is at the airport. Just think of something like “ME HOPE YOU CALL BACK!!!” HITS CHEST* coming from someone who is trying to catch their connecting flight. Would you call that back? Would you tarnish your family home and even consider replaying that noise only to find out that I had probably forgotten to include any form of contact information? I know I wouldn’t and I wouldn’t even be offended if you were to pretend that changing your phone number had only been the result of falling victim to one of those spontaneous, Super Soul Sunday moods.

Makeup / Anything Beauty Related

Let me first start this off by expressing that I find makeup to be artistically beautiful and that I am genuinely impressed by those who wear it and have the patience to apply it on a daily basis or whenever, for that matter. The only confidence I have when it comes to makeup is that I would fall near the bottom end of the “Boyfriend Does My Makeup” tag on YouTube and if you were to ask me to perform a winged eyeliner (if that’s what it’s even called), I would end up transforming myself into a Nike advertisement or a linebacker. Hut Hut HIKE!!!!!! I really had no idea the word “highlighter” could be used in the same sentence as makeup until a month ago, and if I ever found myself in a situation where I was certain enough to believe that a brush was even required, I would have a better chance of selecting the correct one if I were to draw from a hat. This extends into almost every aspect regarding beauty related products and my knowledge of soap and shampoo ends entirely at Walmart.

There could easily be several parts to this post, but maybe I’ll save those for another time. Feel free to share and comment below!

I remember when my dad bought our first desktop computer from Costco because I guess he was convinced that it was the place to purchase one at the time. I, on the other hand was convinced that Costco was the only place for jumbo muffins, greasy concession food and family packs of Clearly Canadian. Apart from that, I felt as though our trips to Costco were my end of the world because I had far more important things to attend to such as my imaginary baking show where rainbow bit Betty Crocker had been an essential ingredient. “On todays episode, we will quite literally be making the same cake we made three days ago and thank you all for tuning in.”

When we finally had our new toy up and running, my brother and I had used it to argue over 3D Space Cadet pinball and Myst while my dad used it to play solitaire and to check his e-mail. I distinctly remember this because he had set up a “notification butler” that would walk horizontally onto the screen and announce “You have mail, Sir” which I thought was really neat. The first time.

I don’t know what it is, but usually if I’ve been on my computer for far too long I can almost assume that I’ll find myself deep within some strange rabbit holes and before I know it, an hour of looking at “terrible fan art” on Tumblr or “WORLDS BIGGEST CYST EXPLOSION!!” on YouTube has passed. This had me thinking back to when the glory of Myst and 3D Space Cadet had worn off and this mushroom haired gal started venturing out and exploring the wonders of the WORLD WIDE WEB – what were some of my favourite websites/games before all of the social media platforms and forum gold we currently have access to started taking over?

I will shamelessly list my top five favourites.

Runescape

Ugh.

Neopets

When I think about Neopets the first thing that comes to mind is Meerca Chase. I was fully committed to this game and I wouldn’t be shocked if I were to sink into a deep and dark hole knowing the amount of hours I spent collecting goddamn Neggs. Another thing that regrettably comes to mind are the posts I made on Neoboards which revolve around me intensively roleplaying as a Neopet trainer. Just wow. If anyone else has any similar Neopet experiences, I am quite literally begging to hear all about them.

FunnyJunk

Anyone else have their dad walk in on them while that Papa Smurf song was playing?

Habbo Hotel & Coke Music

Besides the fact that I was absolutely mind-blown at the idea of being able to chat in real-time with people around the world, but the idea of being able to collect in-game items and furnish your own virtual room made training Neopets seem like a world of bobba that I no longer wanted to be apart of. Try explaining to your parents that you only need their credit card to buy “furni” and hair. “What the hell is a Habba Hotel?”

Newgrounds

As if you hadn’t already been desensitized by everything you had seen online, Newgrounds was your last stop. If you weren’t attempting to upgrade your forum badge, you were more than likely set on becoming the next greatest Flash developer to keep up with fan favourite content such as “Reading Rainbow” and “Foamy The Squirrel.”

If anyone else has any stories they would like to share or some of their favourite websites/games that I haven’t listed… fire away!